Wow! When I wrote the article about May-December relationships between a younger man and an older woman, I didn’t expect to get nearly the feedback I got, either through e-mail or from search engine results. The only other topics that did better were Xanax and cult life. I hope there is no connection amongst these subjects!
I am not a relationship expert, nor do I have all the answers to many of the questions that were poised towards me. But I might be able to help sort out a few more facts about such intergenerational relationships.
Let’s begin:
Q. What is an appropriate age difference between a man and a woman?
A. That answer completely depends on the individuals involved. For some people, ten years is far too much. Other couples struggle with only a three year age difference. I personally have had significant age differences and did just fine. (Other non-age related factors ended my partnerships.) So there is no right or wrong answer to fit everyone – You have to determine what is a comfortable zone for you.
Q. Will he leave me for a younger woman?
A. Once again, it depends on the personality of the man. Let’s face it: typical, “normal” relationships haven’t done so well lately. With a divorce rate close to 50%, there are no guarantees for success. I do believe you, the woman, should bring up the subject if it concerns you. There is no way to read minds, I’m afraid, and talking it out is the best one can do.
Q. He is too immature. Why won’t he grow up?
A. Men, in general, have been accused of being too immature compared to women, so this argument may have a larger basis to it. But in the context of older women / younger men relationships, there is a good possibility that the man is indeed too immature for a relationship with an older woman. Remember, you cannot change anyone – You can only change the way in how you deal with him. Sadly, in some cases, ending the pairing might be the best solution. If nothing else, maybe it will give him time to grow up some.
Q. Where can I find hot, experienced women?
A. On street corners, in cheap bars, or on pornographic sound stages.
No self-respecting woman would fall for such a shallow attempt at sex by a man of any age.
At least, it hasn’t worked for me…
Seriously, first try having a serious friendship, then a relationship with a woman before sex enters the picture. Yes, there are women out there who will have sex on the first date, but you have to ask yourself: If she’s is so promiscuous with you, who else has she been with? Women, the same goes with you regarding men. Sex should never be the first step in any relationship. And with AIDS other STDs still prevalent, it’s really a risky chance to take, even with condoms.
Not exactly a question, but something worth considering… I feel it is safe to say most older women prefer older men for a number of reasons: security, commonality, maturity, more physically appealing (Surprise, younger men – Women have a tendency to prefer an older man’s appearance), just to name a few.
But with only one exception, I have always been the first younger man an older woman has been with. The only answer I can give is that I’ve grown up around older women and feel more comfortable with them. And they feel more comfortable with in turn.
Now, I’m not saying I’ve been with dozens upon dozens of women – I haven’t, and I prefer it that way. But the very few I have dated romantically chose me probably did so because I didn’t pressure her into going to bed with me. Time, patience, and a willingness not to care about sexual matters seemed to have been factors for a romance to bloom.
A rather long answer to the above question, but hopefully an insightful one. Don’t rush things!
Q. Can an older woman / younger man relationship last?
A. I guess it depends on how long “lasting” means. The longest relationship I had was over 14 years, and it only ended when her children (which were older than me) started to suspect. Circumstances ended it, not because we wanted to. But maybe my example is the exception to the rule – I don’t know.
Q. How about older men and young women?
Sorry, that is out of my field. Maybe someone else can take up the slack on that one.
I hope this article gives further information on intergenerational relationships. If you have any questions that haven’t been answered here, just drop me a line and I will try my best to answer it.
Regardless of your relationship status, take care and best wishes!
Shannon
Filed under: Relationships | Tagged: intergenerational, older woman, Relationships, romance, younger man
Q. He is too immature. Why won’t he grow up?
There is a good reason for why men seem to be far less mature than men. A woman typically is miles ahead of a man expressing their Self. While men are more apt to be more physical, they are classically taught to not allow their feelings to get in the way of doing their work. This often means just doing the job that is in front of them and not asking too many questions as to the meaning or the purpose for the work. Such questions tend to involve how you feel about the work you do and how one might quickly improve to do it better.
What has this to do with relationships of older women and younger men? Most all relationship are one person choosing a person that best represents the most significant adult influence from one’s youth. A young man choosing an older women is using that blueprint. While I do not know the reason for such choices individually in others, my lack of acceptance among young teen girls (while in my teen years) was the reasoning I used for seeking out an older woman. BUT, this is all just a perception of a strength, as I found out when I met and married the woman to whom I have been so for the last 30 years.
You see, when I met her she behaved far more older than I. So, I presumed her to be a couple of years older when I asked her out. After several dates, I finally get the courage to ask her. Turns out she was younger than I by a few months.
Thanks for this great topic!
AngllHugnU2
Author of IM with God